Big Bang Theory - Shamy Baby
by such fun
Summary: Amy's acting strangely after her big night with Sheldon.
1. Chapter 1

**Shamy Baby - Chapter 1**

Penny and Bernadette were sat on Penny's sofa. On the TV, the credits of a film they'd not really watched were rolling and they'd just finished the second bottle of Chardonnay. They were worried about Amy who had been due to join them, but was over two hours late and not answering her phone.

"It's not like Amy to be late." Penny said for the tenth time. "Usually she's here before me. And it's my apartment."

"Perhaps she's with the boys? I could go over and check." Bernadette offered.

"We'll both go." Penny got up and stretched.

But just at that moment, Amy entered the apartment, completely lost in thought and wearing odd, mismatching clothing that was strange, even for Amy.

"Oh, hey guys. Is it tonight we're watching the film?" Amy asked.

"Yeah." Penny approached Amy, took her arm and led her to the sofa. "Amy… are you ok?"

"Sure, yeah, yeah, I'm… Yeah. No, I'm fine. I think." Amy sat down heavily on the sofa and suddenly looked exhausted.

"I'll get you a herbal tea." Penny suggested, going over to the kitchen.

After a moment, Amy shut her eyes and a minute later she was fast asleep.

Bernadette joined Penny in the kitchen. "Poor thing; do you think she's being worked too hard on that project to see how Capuchin monkeys respond to constant repeats of the Big Bang Theory, shown in random series order with no recap concerning your fluctuating relationship with Leonard?" she asked.

"Maybe." Penny sighed. "Or… you don't suppose she's still, like, completely exhausted from her 'night' with Sheldon?"

"We never got a chance to ask her about it. In fact, I was hoping to get all the juicy details tonight; but now she's snoring so it doesn't look like that's going to happen." Bernadette replied.

"Well her chamomile, quince and wet flannel tea's ready; so let's wake her." Penny suggested. "I'll open another bottle of wine for us."


	2. Chapter 2

**Shamy Baby - Chapter 2**

Penny and Bernadette sat either side of Amy on the sofa.

"Aw, she looks so peaceful. It seems such a shame to wake her." Penny whispered.

"Oh well. She can sleep later." Bernadette decided. "AMY!" she shouted in her ear. "WAKE UP!"

"What? What's happening?" Amy cried out, clearly shaken from a deep sleep.

"Your tea is ready!" Penny handed Amy a cup of steaming tea.

Amy took a sip, enjoying the strange liquid that was now warming her entire body. "Wow, that's much better, thank you," she said. Amy looked up to see both Penny and Bernadette gazing at her in a rather unsettling way, both with big grins on the faces like clowns on Red Bull. "Are you two ok?" she asked.

Bernadette suddenly stopped smiling. "No we are not!" she exclaimed. "It's been a month since you and Sheldon did the dirty quick step and we have been waiting for a blow by blow account!"

Amy frowned and put down her cup. "Really?" she asked them. "It's been a month? Are you sure? I've been so tired lately.

"O-oh." Penny looked worried.

"It's probably nothing, I've been working really hard lately; I've barely seen you or Sheldon or anyone. But I have had this really weird sickness feeling when I wake up each morning." Amy confided.

"You feel sick? You haven't been french kissing the primates again, have you?" Bernadette asked.

"No, they've had an outbreak of herpes. And they were rude about my technique; hairy know-it-alls." Amy sighed.

"Hey, who are you calling hairy know-it-alls? Oh, you mean the monkeys." Penny realised.

"Are you feeling sick now?" Bernadette asked, moving away from Amy and moving her wine glass to the other end of the table.

"No, it's just in the morning when I get up. But after I've had some dry crackers I feel much better. What could that be?" Amy wondered.

"I think I know." Penny leaned in. "It's the thought of Sheldon's naked body, isn't it?"

"Ewww! I feel sick now too!" Bernadette crinkled up her tiny nose, checking in her pocket mirror that she still looked as cute as a tiny elf in a Christmas shop window display. "Yep, still cute!" she sighed.

"No! How dare you! Sheldon has the body of a Greek God!" Amy protested. "Just… a very thin one… with not many manly features… and no tone… or definition. And one that hasn't ever seen daylight."

Suddenly, the door flew open. Well, not actually 'suddenly', there was some knock, knock, knocking... "Knock, knock, knock, Penny, Bernadette and Amy! Knock, knock, knock, Penny, Bernadette and Amy! Knock, knock, knock, Penny, Bernadette and Amy!"

"I wonder who that could be?" Penny wondered aloud.

"Come in Sheldon!" Amy cried, her heart leaping.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shamy Baby - Chapter 3**

Sheldon entered the apartment. To Amy he looked hotter than ever before, including that time she'd accidentally bought him pure wool socks instead of cotton. To Penny and Bernadette he still looked like a strange stick insect with much too an high opinion of himself.

Amy got up and would have run into Sheldon's arms, had it not been for the fact that he generally hated any physical contact and may have broken up with her if she'd pushed her luck in this wanton fashion.

"Sheldon… how are you?" she asked him.

"Amy, since we moved our relationship onto a sensual and generally stickier plane, I fear that we have been missing critical couple-type targets." Sheldon told her sternly.

"If you mean I've missed date night, I can explain, I've been so busy at work and feeling unwell." Amy said.

"I'm not talking about date night; we always carry over any missed social occasions that constitute an elapsed nocturnal outing." Sheldon whined.

"So, like, what are you talking about, you humongous goof ball?" Penny chipped in.

"I'm talking about our pact. Albeit one that has not been formally annotated in the relationship agreement." Sheldon took Amy's hands in his, then thought better of it and dropped them like a bag of boiling lava. "Don't you remember? It was right afterwards. But you were of course recovering from our dalliance."

"I'm sorry Sheldon; I just don't know what you're referring to." Amy told him. "Can't you just tell me, and in plain words, you know, perhaps ones with no more than two syllables, so that Penny can also keep up?"

"Yeah, bozo, what crazy talk are you prattling on about now?" Bernadette shrieked.

"Fine, what I am clearly trying to tell you, Amy, is that we agreed to repeat our… contact… on birthdays." Sheldon stuttered awkwardly.

"Oh," smiled Amy. "But Sheldon, it's not your birthday, and it won't be mine for another eleven months."

"But it was my mother's birthday yesterday, my great aunt's last week, and not to mention my late father's orthodontist, Leonard's first gold fish, plus the birthdays of Beyonce, Einstein's cousin, and not forgetting the mail man." Sheldon listed.

"That is so hot." Penny sighed.

And then Amy fainted.


	4. Chapter 4

**Shamy Baby - Chapter 4**

Penny and Bernadette rushed to Amy, but she was already coming round from her fainting episode. Sheldon watched, concerned… but only for himself.

"What's wrong with her? Is it contagious?" he shuddered.

"No, I think she's ok. Actually I've seen these symptoms before." Penny helped Amy to the sofa and Bernadette felt her forehead and then took her pulse.

"She's not got a fever." Bernadette told them, "But her pulse is a little high."

"I have a question, Sheldon." Amy stood up, then felt a bit wobbly and sat back down again. "If you're accusing me of missing all those… couplings… why are you only bringing it up now?"

"Well, I would have thought that was completely obvious." Sheldon shrugged.

"Yeah, it's, like, completely obvious; obviously." Penny agreed. "Actually, I've completely lost the thread; spell it out, Shelly-bob."

"Well, as you know, I'm not always the quickest at reading emotions, particularly the woo-woo fancy flights of you gals." Sheldon explained. "But I am completely able to understand every discipline of science, even the lesser subject of biology and all the icky stuff involving girl parts. And the first time Amy and I were… together… it was not during one of her gross menstrual moments."

Amy, Penny and Bernadette all stared at him, lost for words, for at least 47 seconds.

"What does that even mean?" Amy asked him.

"It means that you weren't having your 'time of the month'. And that means that you won't be now either, as that was exactly a month ago." Sheldon told her. "So I estimated this was a good time to repeat it."

"Oh my gosh!" Amy shrieked. "Was it a whole month ago? Really?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Shamy Baby - Chapter 5**

"Yes, Amy, we told you; it's been a month and you still haven't given us all the details!" Penny whined.

"I keep forgetting, my mind's all over the place." Amy answered, sounding confused again. "But if it really is a month, then I need to get myself something from the drug store…"

"Not sanitary products?" Sheldon asked, concerned.

"No, a pregnancy testing kit." Amy told him.

"Ooh, goody, a science test!" Sheldon leapt up and started towards the door. "I'll run down there now!"

Sheldon left the apartment with Penny, Bernadette and Amy staring after him.

"Does he know what this might mean?" Bernadette wondered.

"Amy, I can't believe you could let this happen!" Penny exclaimed.

"Nor me, I… well… I just forgot about… things." Amy admitted.

"Well, we'll know one way or another soon." Bernadette sighed. "In the mean time we'll get started on that other bottle of wine."

"None for you, Amy!" Penny told her sternly.

"Yay, more for us!" Bernadette cheered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Shamy Baby - Chapter 6**

Half an hour later, Sheldon returned with the pregnancy testing kit. "Here you are, Amy. Go and pee immediately," he told her.

"But I don't need to go right now." Amy said, "Perhaps I'll wait until this evening."

"No!" Penny, Bernadette and Sheldon all shrieked.

"Fine." Amy took the kit and went into the bathroom.

Penny, Bernadette and Sheldon followed her and would have all gone in too if Amy hadn't shut the door on them and bolted it.

"Did you do it yet?" Sheldon enquired.

"Nope." Amy said, "I haven't even got it out the packet yet."

"Hurry up!" Penny shouted. "Don't make me come in there!"

"I can't pee with you all pressurizing me!" Amy wailed.

Penny, Bernadette and Sheldon went to sit on the sofa, very impatiently, for about 2 minutes. Then they ran back to the bathroom door.

"Did you do it?" Sheldon asked, excitedly. "Can I watch the stick change?"

"I've done it." Amy called out. "But I want to watch the stick myself. I'll be out in two minutes."


	7. Chapter 7

**Shamy Baby - Chapter 7**

Amy returned from the bathroom looking very flushed.

"Well?" Sheldon asked her, getting up and taking her hands in his more tenderly than anyone had ever seen him before. "Actually, don't tell me."

"What?" Penny shrieked.

"Hear me out," Sheldon said. "Amy, come and sit down on the sofa. Penny, Bernadette, go away."

"But this is my apartment!" Penny yelled, then suddenly became unsure of herself, she turned to Bernadette, "This is my apartment, right?"

Bernadette put her very cutesy little head on one side in a sympathetic way, checking in the wall mirror to ensure maximum cutey-pie-ness, and nodded. Then she took Penny's hand and led her, skipping like an elf, across the hall to Sheldon and Leonard's apartment.

"Hello boys!" Bernadette announced.

"Hey Bernadette and Penny!" chorused Leonard, Howard, Raj, Stuart and, for some reason, possibly because he was in town and didn't have anything else to do, some has been actor from Star Trek.

"Hey, where's Amy?" Raj asked.

"Oh, she's just about to reveal the results of a pregnancy test to Sheldon, and they insisted on some privacy." Penny told him. "Hey Leonard, get me a beer!"

"In a minute, first, we need to see what's going on your apartment!" Leonard jumped off the sofa, which was difficult for him as his legs barely touched the floor.

"We can't go in there." Bernadette explained, her high pitched voice getting dangerously close to breaking glass. "They've locked the door."

"Oh, we can just switch on the webcam I installed," Leonard shrugged.

"You installed a webcam in my apartment!" Penny cried. "Wow! You are so smart. I knew there was some reason I agreed to marry you."

Leonard switched on his laptop and ran it through the TV so that everyone could watch. "We can also have subtitles, but only in Spanish." He offered.

"Quiet!" everyone else yelled, as the camera started relaying the scene from Penny's apartment and they all settled down on the sofa with an enormous bucket of popcorn.


	8. Chapter 8

**Shamy Baby - Chapter 8**

The rest of the gang had now settled back to watch the unfolding events in Penny's apartment, while Sheldon and Amy remained completely unaware of this morally dodgy intrusion of privacy.

"Don't you want to know if it's positive or negative, Sheldon?" Amy asked him, rather taken aback that he had so merrily trotted down to the Pharmacy and bought with his own money, what appeared to be, the most expensive brand of test available, and now he seemed unfazed and uninterested in the results.

"That's not important right now." Sheldon told her.

"What do you mean? You just made me do the test when I wanted to wait until later, and then you told my friends to leave when they could have comforted me!" Amy was distraught.

"Amy, I'm sorry, but everything in my brain was feeling muddled." Sheldon explained.

"Well, the implications of a pregnancy test are bound to make you feel…. well… something." Amy agreed.

"Oh no, not the pregnancy test. I've been trying to memorise all the gobbledygook physics language that the writers insist on putting in the scripts." Sheldon shrugged.

"Sheldon!" Amy exploded

Back in boy's apartment, Raj shook his head. "She's going to slap him." He said.

"Don't spoil the ending, I haven't seen this one!" Penny protested.

Leonard frowned, wondering not for the first time why on Earth this woman had such a hold over him. "Penny…" he started to explain.

"Shhh!" Penny glared at him. "Actually, put it on pause, I need to pee."

Back in Penny's apartment, Amy was now sobbing in rage and sorrow into a trendy scatter cushion, while Sheldon cringed at this revolting outburst of emotion. She cried for about 7 and a half minutes which was just enough time for Penny to find the bathroom, remember why she'd gone there, have a pee, remember to wash her hands, and then find her way back to the boy's living room. And just enough time for everyone else to make another batch of popcorn and order a pizza.

Amy moved from the sobbing hysterically phase to the gulping and looking blotchy phase, along with the odd hiccough / hiccup and an truly unsightly quantity of mucus.

"Finally!" Sheldon tutted. "Now, before you start blubbing again, can you please let me speak?"

"Fine, go ahead." Amy conceded, with no strength left to tell him what an unfeeling, irritating, self important arse he was.

"Good. Now, what I was about to tell you, before you started trying to flood the place, was that two things occurred to me while I was waiting to make my purchase at the Pharmacy." Sheldon started.

"Just two?" Amy interjected.

"No, you're right, it was three; I was also aware of the other customers looking at me and were obviously impressed by my overt sexual prowess, which was requiring me to buy the item I was purchasing." Sheldon agreed.

Amy rolled her eyes and waggled her head in a derogatory way for a couple of seconds and then got over it, smiled at this weird man in front of her that she'd chosen to be with for all his faults, and instantly forgave him. "And the other two things?" she asked.

"Secondly, I realised that the root cause of this situation is totally unacceptable to me and I should therefore give a great deal of consideration to my continued collaboration with it." Sheldon stated.

"Root cause?" Amy was confused.

"Root cause equals 'girlfriend' in this case." Sheldon explained.

"What do you mean? Are you declaring a cessation of our dating agreement?" Amy asked him, incredulously.

"I am." Sheldon nodded.

Amy stared at Sheldon, open mouthed. He peered in.

"You might want to up your game with the flossing." He noted.

Back in the boy's apartment, everyone else was staring horrified at the screen.

Back in Penny's apartment, Sheldon waved his hand in front of Amy's face to bring her round from her reverie. "Earth to Amy!" he cooed. "Can I finish what I was telling you?"

"Yes," Amy replied.

"So I thought the best thing would be to look for a sort of, how can I put this… upgrade." Sheldon continued.

"A girlfriend upgrade?" Amy clarified.

"Exactly!" Sheldon declared.

"You're dropping me and getting a new girlfriend who will remember to use contraception?" Amy asked.

"No, Amy. I'm changing your status from 'girlfriend' to 'wife' as soon as possible; if that's alright with you." Sheldon announced.

"Oh." Amy suddenly was finding breathing quite tricky. "I see…. Oh Sheldon!"

"Hold it, lady, don't you start your emotional phooey all over again!" Sheldon told her. "Let me get on with the last item at least."

"Go on." Amy smiled.

"Right. So thirdly, I thought it really doesn't matter if you're pregnant or not. If you are, then I am fully prepared to be a caring, if somewhat unconventional father. And if you're not, then I think we should consider trying to get you membership to that club at our earliest mutual convenience. And I'm free now if that's good for you." Sheldon then fished about in his pocket and pulled out his grandmother's engagement ring. He put it on Amy's finger and held her hand out to admire it.

When Amy was calm enough to speak, she showed Sheldon the pregnancy test stick. "It's positive," she told him, "I'm pregnant."

"Ok." Sheldon whispered. "And Amy, I just want you to know, I'll love this baby, even if he's inherited your brains instead of mine. Even if he doesn't get into college… before his eighth birthday. Even if he's a girl. After all, we can always keep having more til you produce little Sheldon junior."

At that moment, Leonard, Howard, Bernadette, Stuart and Raj hammered on the door. Sheldon and Amy opened it and everyone was a mass of hugs and congratulations.

And back at the boys apartment, Penny was still sat on the sofa watching everyone else on the screen, along with the random out of work Star Trek guy, both looking confused and munching popcorn.

THE END.


	9. Chapter 9

Hello - thanks for reading - I'll aim to post another story about Amy and Sheldon soon. Best wishes xx


End file.
